The weekend of all weekends

The weekend started off pretty well. Unfortunately it didn’t last. My mom tripped out on my sister .. Long story and I find it kind of pointless to explain something that simply can’t be explained ( But I will try ). I think they will both be better off talking to each other instead of speaking “at” each other. It’s sad when Mother and Daughter are at war. It’s even harder to be the median in the situation.

Sooooo.

Older sister calls youngest sister, (whom might I add, have been pretty much stress free for 48 hours and counting) saying that mom has lost her mind. All that runs through my mind was, “what, You just realized that?” . Older sister tells baby sister that mom has stepped to her saying to pack her things and leave. This time, mom was more verbal by saying “Get the Fuck out of my house”.. This time was different. As older sister told baby sister about the situation, it was hard to see it going any other way than it did. The path was paved years ago, when mother and daughter lived in the same house without exchanging words. My sister is married. She’s been married for almost three years. Yet, both her and her husband (who is a great person) live in different places. My sister and her husband both thought it would have been best for her to stay with my mother until they both got their bills situated.

So they have been living in separate places since the day they were married.. I didn’t think it was healthy and neither did everyone else who knew the situation. Though, I could not judge her because I’m not the one to judge.

Monday morning arrived. I popped in to say hello to my mother. She, not knowing that my sister had already told me her side of the story, went on to tell me what had happened. Even though the stories were very similar, both sides depicted the other as being verbally abusive, almost to the point of getting physical. She asked if I already heard the story, I said no. At this point I came to the conclusion that even though you’re older and you’re supposed to be wiser, you can still find yourself in a situation where you feel like a child. Helpless and afraid of the unknown.

Should I also add that my sisters husband called to tell me his side of the story? Oy! What else should I say? He went on to say that my mother had originally addressed him and my sister decided to jump into it. Of course I can understand why she jumped in, she tried to protect him. But he, being a man felt somewhat incompetent. It was already bad that my mother was making him feel like he couldn’t provide for my sister. When she decided to step in, it made him feel less of a man. Of all the times he told her that they should get serious and find a place. My sister wanted to be hard headed and kept on saying that she will move when she’s ready. It’s as if she can’t live without the feeling of being a victim.

It’s hard for me to try and reassure all parties that are involved. I can’t tell them that it will be okay, that would be a lie. I started to be a Therapist to both. My questions where “What are you feeling about the situation?” “How can you make this better?” & “Visualize yourself in the others position”..

For some time now, It has been that way. I’m not a sister or daughter to them. Just a therapist. I’ve put my feelings aside for both and have removed myself from the picture. To hear my mother speak words of hate about her own daughter makes me question why. Why did she have children to begin with? Why was she so selfish to have brought someone in this world whom she can’t love. Because of this, I’ve questioned how much I’m actually worth to her. Should I feel that she will someday look at me as a stranger. Should I duck and run while she still has feelings for me. It’s hard to think that love fades, but it does. It’s even harder to think that a parent to harbor such hate, but it goes to show that nothing is guaranteed. Not even love.


To make matters worse. I found out that the nasty accident that killed two people on the Florida Turnpike, had hit closer to home than I though. My friend Karen, who was the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Was not feeling well on the way home from dropping off someone at the ft. Lauderdale airport. She thought that she would pull over and just try to feel better. She passed out before she could. Her car was going too fast. I’m devastated and can’t seem to show emotion. It just seems surreal. Like life stopped to play a trick on me. Only to find out that it was no trick. It actually did happened.

I love all my friends.. Losing one is like losing a part of myself. Knowing that from now on, the only thing I will have are memories. Things that happen in my everyday life that I once rushed home to tell that person, now lays dormant in a vacant spot in my head. I feel lost.. Each friend means something to me and losing one hurts more than anything. When you’re no longer apart of this world, you can’t overcome a rear case of cancer, you can’t get a “get well card”, you can’t take another step, another bite of your favorite food, another hug, your smile is just a memory, your laugh gets harder to hear as time goes by. The money you’ve made can’t buy your way back even though I would love to see your smile again. I miss her already, I miss her colorful ways ( My colorfulness could not compare to hers).

Karen Barrett-Perryman was the person that if you’ve felt like you’ve failed in some way, she would find a way to make you feel as if you’ve won the greatest medal. She was the mother of two, the sister of many and the back bone of happiness. She never allowed life to swallow her. She comes to mind when I hear the phrase “Take it easy”. You never felt left out when you’re in her presence. Everyone became her family. She left a print in my heart that will never be forgotten.

Halloween 2004 didn’t bring me tricks or treats. If anything, It took a treat ( Karen Barrett) that day when it decided to play a trick.