When bad days just seems to get worst
I'm starting to think that NYC is playing one big trick on me. I've been feeling really down lately. To add insult to injury, someone on the train tried to use me as a verbal punching bag. Being an aspiring musician makes you look at everything as a potential song. You can have a bad day and write a full two pages of music that captures the daily events.
So I was sitting on the 4 train, when the lady next to me clutched her bag in terror.. I looked around to see if there were any one who loked suspicious. There wasn't. After about a minute, I realized that I was the culprit she was clutching her bag from. That's it!!!. I've had it!!!. I've had it with the stereotype already. Gawd dammit make it stop!!!. Before a tear came to my eyes, I turned in her direction
and said. "Excuse me ma'am, but are you clutching your bag because of me?" She spun her head around so quickly that I heard her neck crack. She then replied. "yes, you people change with the weather. I don't care how you "all" try to change your appearances. You are "all" the same to me".. WTF?
I knew that me trying to reassure this woman would just back fire. I can't argue with an elder. It's just not in my heart to. I'm sure she's seen quite a lot in her long years here. If I would have said what I wanted to, she would have probably pressed the button and had polices swarming all over the 59th street train station when the train came to a halt. What could I say to her to make her feel better about sitting next to me? All the seats were taken and I was stuck with this elderly woman clutching her bag out of sheer terror of "ME".
As I got up from my seat and walk to stand by the door, these ladies parted way to make and extra seat for me on the other side of the car. Apperantly, everyone was listening in on the conversation that just took place. As I sat next to these ladies, I put my head in my hands and started crying silently, away from the strangers who were looking at me.
I thought of my 15 year old nephew who holds so much promise, who looks up to me as a mentor. I don't think that the thought crossed my moms mind that I would be faced with this in 2004. It's hard to not think that my nephew would be faced with this also. A young black man trying to do what's right in the world, would be rediculed by others who fails to see the great in him. If I can lock us up both in a bubble, away from the racism, away from all the hurt that has plagued us through out the years. I would. So this is my prayer to GOD.
God?
Are you there?
It's me, Farrah again.
I hope that I'm not bothering you, but I need you tonight, more than any other night. I need your help god. I need for you to let people see that the hate they hold spills onto the innocents of the world. The clowds are blackened with hatred. I know that others have prayed to you with similar pleas and maybe mine is the millionth one tonight. This prayer is for my nephew, not me. Lord, please protect him. Please bless him with a long fruitful life. Please continue to steer him in the right path. Please reassure him that It's okay to be black in such a racist world. He shows promise lord. He's one of the most friendliest people you will ever meet. He has the most beautiful smile you'll ever see and even though he doesn't know his father, it hasn't dampered the hopes and promises in his eyes. Lord, if he comes face to face with pain, please divert it from him and cast it onto me. If he is faced with death, take my life instead. I love him more than anything or anyone in this world. Please lord, protect him from what plagues this earth.
Thank You lord.
Your child,
Farrah
So I was sitting on the 4 train, when the lady next to me clutched her bag in terror.. I looked around to see if there were any one who loked suspicious. There wasn't. After about a minute, I realized that I was the culprit she was clutching her bag from. That's it!!!. I've had it!!!. I've had it with the stereotype already. Gawd dammit make it stop!!!. Before a tear came to my eyes, I turned in her direction
and said. "Excuse me ma'am, but are you clutching your bag because of me?" She spun her head around so quickly that I heard her neck crack. She then replied. "yes, you people change with the weather. I don't care how you "all" try to change your appearances. You are "all" the same to me".. WTF?
I knew that me trying to reassure this woman would just back fire. I can't argue with an elder. It's just not in my heart to. I'm sure she's seen quite a lot in her long years here. If I would have said what I wanted to, she would have probably pressed the button and had polices swarming all over the 59th street train station when the train came to a halt. What could I say to her to make her feel better about sitting next to me? All the seats were taken and I was stuck with this elderly woman clutching her bag out of sheer terror of "ME".
As I got up from my seat and walk to stand by the door, these ladies parted way to make and extra seat for me on the other side of the car. Apperantly, everyone was listening in on the conversation that just took place. As I sat next to these ladies, I put my head in my hands and started crying silently, away from the strangers who were looking at me.
I thought of my 15 year old nephew who holds so much promise, who looks up to me as a mentor. I don't think that the thought crossed my moms mind that I would be faced with this in 2004. It's hard to not think that my nephew would be faced with this also. A young black man trying to do what's right in the world, would be rediculed by others who fails to see the great in him. If I can lock us up both in a bubble, away from the racism, away from all the hurt that has plagued us through out the years. I would. So this is my prayer to GOD.
God?
Are you there?
It's me, Farrah again.
I hope that I'm not bothering you, but I need you tonight, more than any other night. I need your help god. I need for you to let people see that the hate they hold spills onto the innocents of the world. The clowds are blackened with hatred. I know that others have prayed to you with similar pleas and maybe mine is the millionth one tonight. This prayer is for my nephew, not me. Lord, please protect him. Please bless him with a long fruitful life. Please continue to steer him in the right path. Please reassure him that It's okay to be black in such a racist world. He shows promise lord. He's one of the most friendliest people you will ever meet. He has the most beautiful smile you'll ever see and even though he doesn't know his father, it hasn't dampered the hopes and promises in his eyes. Lord, if he comes face to face with pain, please divert it from him and cast it onto me. If he is faced with death, take my life instead. I love him more than anything or anyone in this world. Please lord, protect him from what plagues this earth.
Thank You lord.
Your child,
Farrah
posted by Farrah Phoenix at Sunday, October 24, 2004
2 comments:
that bitch was clutching her bag because she feared the nubian goddess? WELL FUCK HER! The site looks great, baby and the content rocks! xoxoxoxox, ME
I missed you like a crack head mama.. Yeah that brawd was freaky... Wow... My sister called me from the bus on her way home yesterday.. She said the guy next to her was saying some really mean stuff like, "America should close their doors".. She asked me if I've ever been face to face.. I told her... "Every month when I tend to forget who I am, There they are in my face honey"
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