Long Time No Blog!!!
It's been such a long time since I've made an Infamous post. What can I say? Things around these parts have been truly hectic. I�ve moved from one place to another, leaving behind things that needed to be buried. In the wake of my move, I received word that my father passed away. The morning he died, I was nestled somewhat in my bed dreaming of my father and I. It wasn�t odd for me to dream of my father. The only odd thing was that in my dream, he was saying goodbye.
In my dream, I became irate and unable to hold back dream tears. I kept on asking him why it was that he was saying goodbye. He never answered. He just kept repeating goodbye as he disappeared into nothingness.
Weeks have passed since he's left his body and I�m left to pick up the pieces of my heart that has been broken by so much tragedies since 2005 has started. Yet, I've managed to compose myself at work & smile for my friends when ever they whispered in my ear "I'm so sorry to hear about your dad". I've become the 'It's okay' girl.
By now, I've learned to put on happy faces to ensure everyone that there's not a breakdown happening. Because of this, I've called on my old friend Self Mutilation to help me bring out my frustration in a more calm incognito way.
Time is spent well in my bedroom. Reading, practicing and cutting. "It's the start of a beautiful friendship", I said as the razor cut deep into my skin. I can't comprehend how life has decided to throw so many curve balls within a such short period of time. I feel no anger towards my friends as they are my Family now. I however, do feel anger towards myself as I can not help what life has to offer me.
All in all. We can't pick and choose our experiences, they just happen. Fastballs are apart of our lives and you have to swing no matter what.
Through out the turmoil, I see my sister Emily as my best friend. We've become more conjoined now that both parents are physically absent from our lives. We are each others confidante, shoulder and outlet when things get too big to handle by ourselves. We are our own parents now, looking out for each other more than before. I love her more and more each day.
In my dream, I became irate and unable to hold back dream tears. I kept on asking him why it was that he was saying goodbye. He never answered. He just kept repeating goodbye as he disappeared into nothingness.
Weeks have passed since he's left his body and I�m left to pick up the pieces of my heart that has been broken by so much tragedies since 2005 has started. Yet, I've managed to compose myself at work & smile for my friends when ever they whispered in my ear "I'm so sorry to hear about your dad". I've become the 'It's okay' girl.
By now, I've learned to put on happy faces to ensure everyone that there's not a breakdown happening. Because of this, I've called on my old friend Self Mutilation to help me bring out my frustration in a more calm incognito way.
Time is spent well in my bedroom. Reading, practicing and cutting. "It's the start of a beautiful friendship", I said as the razor cut deep into my skin. I can't comprehend how life has decided to throw so many curve balls within a such short period of time. I feel no anger towards my friends as they are my Family now. I however, do feel anger towards myself as I can not help what life has to offer me.
All in all. We can't pick and choose our experiences, they just happen. Fastballs are apart of our lives and you have to swing no matter what.
Through out the turmoil, I see my sister Emily as my best friend. We've become more conjoined now that both parents are physically absent from our lives. We are each others confidante, shoulder and outlet when things get too big to handle by ourselves. We are our own parents now, looking out for each other more than before. I love her more and more each day.
posted by Farrah Phoenix at Sunday, July 17, 2005
0 comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home