Within Myself

Call it what you want. At the beginning of the year I started “The Master Cleanse” and after two days on it I found myself eating out of control. I figured I wouldn’t waste the rest of my “Grade A Maple Syrup”. I ended up putting it on the shelf and forgetting about it. For the next two weeks I ate as if I was the hungriest person alive. Late nights of whatever I can find in the cupboards and fridge consumed me. What was wrong with me? It was a combination of a woman changing at a time when she wasn‘t prepared. Depression and amongst other things, bad decisions.

So as I was saying. Over the past few weeks I’ve been eating out of control, and with each fist full of whatever, the tighter my clothes would get. Tonight however, after eating about four delicious raising cookies and four assorted shortbread cookies. I felt as if the past few weeks were literally my mind giving up control. As if my mind was saying, “Well there’s nothing we can possibly do now. We should give up and just give in to temptation”. So I lay here, gassy as all hell and actually praying in my head to be strong tomorrow. I need to stay focused and clean out my system once and for all.

I feel as if I’ve eaten two cans of refried beans with a side of black beans simmered in beans. I’ve been passing gas like this for about five hours now. A sign that tells me that my system needs cleaning, along with my mind.

The Master Cleanse calls for me to take a laxative before bed, so I drank a cup of senna tea. I’m no stranger to senna leaves. This will have me fighting for the bathroom from 7a.m - 3p.m. And so, since it is late. I will continue this tomorrow which will be day 1.

New year, Old habits

Oh my god. It's been a long time since I've put my fingers to the keyboard to blog this start of the new year. It's 2007. I feel great physically. But mentally I'm insecure. Still battling with the bulge while my sister battles with beating guys off with a stick. Hahaha. I love her deeply though. I finally got a snowboard and the lack of snow is scaring the shit out of me. The lack of cold weather is by far scaring me even more. Fucking global warming is freaking me the fuck out.

I wasn't too crazy about 2006 but atleast it had snow man. However, some good things came out of '06.

1) Got a honey
2) Moved twice
3) Adopted a family
4) Best friend got off of drugs
5) Was able to afford things like Food and shelter
6) Met some cool people
7) Fell in love
8) Recovered from Myspace.com
9) Heard from some good friends
10)Thought about starting a family for once

Cheers !!!

Hey Friends,


I know I haven't spoken to some of you guys in forever. I'm terribly sorry for that. Once again I've been missing in action. This tends to happen so often that I've reduced myself to sending emails every other month. I have to share some part of my life sometime. Right?


I've been dyeing to hear (or Read) what everyone's been up to. Some of you I haven't heard from in eons. Give me some dirt so I can at least feel like you guys still love me. In the mean time, I will tell you guys what's been going on with me. And I'll even share some photos.

So, my friend Tim took the high road and moved to Hawaii. How awesome is that? It's been two weeks since we last spoke as he was here with the rest of the crew hanging out at Dillon's on 54th and 7th. Yesterday something came over me.. 'Should I try his cell phone to see if it still works?' Alas, it did. It rang a couple rings and then went to voice mail.. I left him this drunken message about how much I missed him and that he sucked for moving so far away. I hung up after babbling for 3 minutes. I even broke into song before I hung up. It's so strange how people waltz into your life with such gentle breezes, then leave just as easily as they came. He left an impact on me in such a short time. Those Tuesday nights at Karaoke where he and Dave would take the mic and sing 'Bust a Move' by Young Mc. He'll do his traditional 'Ice Ice baby' before the night had ended, and we'd stumble to the train station only hoping not to pass out before our stop had arrived. When you have good friends, you just don't seem to need anything else.

He returned my call only to leave me feeling envious of his new life. "I got a tan finally" he screamed into the phone. It turns out that he's in the heart of everything and often finds himself saying "Di Plane boss" as the trees sways for the breeze. He's Tim, the one who decided to upgrade by leaving old New York City behind for the rainbow filled blue skies of Hawaii. We spent a good while on the phone recapping the good ol' days of Dillon's. As we were saying our goodbyes, the drinks I had been chucking down came rushing back up. I hung up and made a B-line to the bathroom. All hail the porcelain god.

I share a house with 6 other people. One is a Playwright ( the only guy in the house). Another is a writer ( she's got some awesome stuff ) and the rest of us are Dancers and Musicians ( My sister and I are musicians. She's the lead singer of our band and I play the Bass/Guitar and write the music ).

Our times are spent either having nervous breakdowns or singing in unison. "We love our new house" we say to our guests. It's always filled with music, laughter and once in a while... Tears. We've been each others backbones so to speak. Holding each other up above water. Is it odd that we tell each other ' I love you'? I think not.

I lost my father the same day I was moving into this place which I now call 'Home'. When things seem to go smoothly, there is always that bump in the road that makes your car spin out of control. What can I do? I can either allow the car to crash, or steer myself back on the road. I took the second option and kept on trucking. My father has taught me so much in such a short period of time. He was one of those men who gave you courage when all else fails. He was a comedian to some and a performer to millions. I still get choked up when I think of him, which is everyday. I often wonder if he's looking down on me scowling the things I know I shouldn't be doing. I miss him and the relationship we had when I was younger. I looked up to him. I still do. He was my biggest cheerleader, even when we failed to speak to one another as I got older. Cheers Dad!!

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks to pursue my dreams of becoming a performer. After my dad died, the job just felt insignificant. I'm taking my dad's modified road and I'm making it mine. I'll see you guys on the inside.

Farrah

Rob, Kinnie, Gio 

Evie, Gio, Emily 

Ti, Gio, Steve, Jen, Me, Dave, Kinnie, and some other people I don't know 

OH my God!!! These girls are so hot... Emily and kinnie.. Damn Sexy 

Ti, Gio and Emily.. I think ti is wasted 

Kinnie and Gio 

Dave and Tim singing 'Bust the Move' ... Yeah Bouy 

The Crew gettin' down for Karaoke ( Tim's going away party) 

Gio and Evie 

GIO and Kinnie 

Kinnie on the chair.. I have no clew who that girl is with the mic 

Ti, Tim & Gio 

It's the Fuck-a-U crew... (Tims going away party) 

Emily and Brian.. Brian is up to no fucking good as always 

The Love birds... Ti and Gio 

We are just so nasty... Me and Ti ... Is lisa just in awesome or surprised 

GIO.... You Diva you!! Hottie 

Divas and Divas and Divas oh my!!! 

Emily and Jimmy.. Jimmy is my Homeboy!!!!! Cool kat. 

I love my sister Emily... 

Emily and Farrah... THE YANKEES WON BITCHES!!!! 

Gene the Machine !!!! Christian in Blue... Back of Daves Head... Coors & Budweiser was the theme of the game. 

Popa Poe! P.I.M.P !!! It's Dave bitches!!! Betta rec'nize... 

It's Tim and Chicken. 

Tim!!!! The new and improved Hawaii native.. He's moved to hawaii to start a life that all of us envies at the moment. I miss him so much.. He's the homiedawg!!! He better come back soon.