Within Myself

Call it what you want. At the beginning of the year I started “The Master Cleanse” and after two days on it I found myself eating out of control. I figured I wouldn’t waste the rest of my “Grade A Maple Syrup”. I ended up putting it on the shelf and forgetting about it. For the next two weeks I ate as if I was the hungriest person alive. Late nights of whatever I can find in the cupboards and fridge consumed me. What was wrong with me? It was a combination of a woman changing at a time when she wasn‘t prepared. Depression and amongst other things, bad decisions.

So as I was saying. Over the past few weeks I’ve been eating out of control, and with each fist full of whatever, the tighter my clothes would get. Tonight however, after eating about four delicious raising cookies and four assorted shortbread cookies. I felt as if the past few weeks were literally my mind giving up control. As if my mind was saying, “Well there’s nothing we can possibly do now. We should give up and just give in to temptation”. So I lay here, gassy as all hell and actually praying in my head to be strong tomorrow. I need to stay focused and clean out my system once and for all.

I feel as if I’ve eaten two cans of refried beans with a side of black beans simmered in beans. I’ve been passing gas like this for about five hours now. A sign that tells me that my system needs cleaning, along with my mind.

The Master Cleanse calls for me to take a laxative before bed, so I drank a cup of senna tea. I’m no stranger to senna leaves. This will have me fighting for the bathroom from 7a.m - 3p.m. And so, since it is late. I will continue this tomorrow which will be day 1.