An Update yay!!
I’ve been meaning to make an Entry since last week. I’ve been on the go everyday and had no time to actually stop to smell the air. My body decided to stop me by shutting down this week. It all started on Tuesday. I got to work, click on my computer and boom!!! My stomach felt like an anchor that was scraping the bottom of a sea. I tried to put it out of my head. I cracked jokes with everyone until about 12pm. Everything around me felt distant, It was quiet, very much unlike the environment I’ve gotten used to. As I looked over, I noticed that it really wasn’t quiet. People were talking, laughing and the phones were ringing. I noticed that I was the one being silent. It didn’t take long before the pain in my gut consumed every fiber of my being. I left work a short while after and headed home to seek out some sort of comfort. Unfortunately, I got no sort of solace. I laid in bed feeling too weak to eat, and in too much pain to sleep. I tried various things to help sooth what ailed me, but nothing would work. I finally swallowed my pride and turned to the only person that may know a thing or two about stomach aches that have gone fatal. My Mother.
Her remedy, rum and bitters… To the general public, they would say : What the fuck?. I said the same thing when she led me down that path, but I was in some serious pain and would try anything once. I grabbed the rum, the bitters and poured away. It took me a full three minutes before I gulped down the concoction. My insides felt as though they were on fire. I took a step back and almost lost my balance. I thought this shit was supposed to make me feel better, not drunk. I pulled myself back into bed and laid there with my eyes opened, my head spinning. There was something tugging onto every muscle in my stomach and as I laid there, I went over everything possible avenues of why my body would give out like this.
Weeks before, I cut my sleep time by 3 hours a night. I drank coffee during the day, and were too tired to eat anything big when I got home. I stayed up until 1 am every night, but not by choice. I was so wired from the day that even when I confine myself to my bed at 11pm, I would do every else but sleep. Two weeks ago, my neck, back and sides were in pain. I did the BENGAY and ICY HOT thing, but nothing. I sat at work feeling sluggish and weak. A week before my stomach overhaul, I was in a deep sleep. I shot up in my bed. My legs were stiff, I was unable to move them. The pain was so bad that I started to cry real tears. This lasted for a whole ten minutes, then as quick as it came, it left. I went back to sleep only to hear my alarm go off. Throughout the day, I felt them going numb, but not to the point to actually send me to the doctors office.
Which brings me back the Tuesday. I laid in bed still staring at the sealing. The pain had came to a halt. It was gone.
I’ve realized that once you’ve gotten older, your parents are no longer responsible for you. They aren’t there to check up to see if you’ve eaten that day, and when your body starts to shut down, you battle with yourself to make the phone call to your parents that might be able to help.
At 27 years of age, I’ve thought of myself as an independent person. I make money, pay my bills and find myself taking action in my life when ever it’s called for. Though this would be considered as independent, there were others things I failed to keep track of. Like not eating healthy or at all, not getting enough sleep to carry me through the day. Not caring when my body shows warning signs of shutting down.
It’s now Saturday night. I’m unable to pick myself up and go out into the world, unable to sit with friends and laugh the night away. On this Saturday night, I’m home trying desperately to undo all the bad things I’ve done to my body over the month. I’m not guilt ridden tonight. I’ve realized that this body can do so much, if given the right tools. But once those tools are taken away, this body can hold you down and chances of a recovery might not be too good. At least staying home meant that I would get some music work done. Failed attempts to the lead singer has failed, but anyhow, I’ve managed to write some bass music to a song we’ve been working on. I know when she hears this, she’s going to flip out in glee.
My sister, who is the lead singer, have been swamped like I have been these past couple weeks. I don’t hold it against her if she sleeps through the ringing of her cellular. I have to admit that I’ve done that a few times this month. Anyway, if it wasn’t for the body shut down, I wouldn’t have made some headway on the writing bit. I guess all things happens for a reason.
End Entry.
Her remedy, rum and bitters… To the general public, they would say : What the fuck?. I said the same thing when she led me down that path, but I was in some serious pain and would try anything once. I grabbed the rum, the bitters and poured away. It took me a full three minutes before I gulped down the concoction. My insides felt as though they were on fire. I took a step back and almost lost my balance. I thought this shit was supposed to make me feel better, not drunk. I pulled myself back into bed and laid there with my eyes opened, my head spinning. There was something tugging onto every muscle in my stomach and as I laid there, I went over everything possible avenues of why my body would give out like this.
Weeks before, I cut my sleep time by 3 hours a night. I drank coffee during the day, and were too tired to eat anything big when I got home. I stayed up until 1 am every night, but not by choice. I was so wired from the day that even when I confine myself to my bed at 11pm, I would do every else but sleep. Two weeks ago, my neck, back and sides were in pain. I did the BENGAY and ICY HOT thing, but nothing. I sat at work feeling sluggish and weak. A week before my stomach overhaul, I was in a deep sleep. I shot up in my bed. My legs were stiff, I was unable to move them. The pain was so bad that I started to cry real tears. This lasted for a whole ten minutes, then as quick as it came, it left. I went back to sleep only to hear my alarm go off. Throughout the day, I felt them going numb, but not to the point to actually send me to the doctors office.
Which brings me back the Tuesday. I laid in bed still staring at the sealing. The pain had came to a halt. It was gone.
I’ve realized that once you’ve gotten older, your parents are no longer responsible for you. They aren’t there to check up to see if you’ve eaten that day, and when your body starts to shut down, you battle with yourself to make the phone call to your parents that might be able to help.
At 27 years of age, I’ve thought of myself as an independent person. I make money, pay my bills and find myself taking action in my life when ever it’s called for. Though this would be considered as independent, there were others things I failed to keep track of. Like not eating healthy or at all, not getting enough sleep to carry me through the day. Not caring when my body shows warning signs of shutting down.
It’s now Saturday night. I’m unable to pick myself up and go out into the world, unable to sit with friends and laugh the night away. On this Saturday night, I’m home trying desperately to undo all the bad things I’ve done to my body over the month. I’m not guilt ridden tonight. I’ve realized that this body can do so much, if given the right tools. But once those tools are taken away, this body can hold you down and chances of a recovery might not be too good. At least staying home meant that I would get some music work done. Failed attempts to the lead singer has failed, but anyhow, I’ve managed to write some bass music to a song we’ve been working on. I know when she hears this, she’s going to flip out in glee.
My sister, who is the lead singer, have been swamped like I have been these past couple weeks. I don’t hold it against her if she sleeps through the ringing of her cellular. I have to admit that I’ve done that a few times this month. Anyway, if it wasn’t for the body shut down, I wouldn’t have made some headway on the writing bit. I guess all things happens for a reason.
End Entry.
posted by Farrah Phoenix at Sunday, April 24, 2005
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